


"Is This DRUGGIE trying to CON the CALYPSOS? 😱😱😱😱 OMG!!! Calypso Crash Course 2019"

by Yusariis



Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: Drug Mentions, Gen, Thats why it's like that, YouTuber Title, car crash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2019-12-27
Packaged: 2021-02-24 16:42:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21981136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yusariis/pseuds/Yusariis
Summary: Craziest thing happened to us.... so scary... never felt more Lucky to be alive.~~~Be sure to check out Troys How-To Video videos HERE [x].Tyreens' got a personal vlog channel now! [x]Updates every Thursday!!Don't forget toLIKEFOLLOWand OBEY.--Troy and Tyreen crash a car. Someone was in the other one.(Written for Borderlands Secret Santa 2019!!! Hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it, Anon!)
Kudos: 10





	"Is This DRUGGIE trying to CON the CALYPSOS? 😱😱😱😱 OMG!!! Calypso Crash Course 2019"

**Author's Note:**

> The impact itself, not the events, were based on an actual car crash I was in. Biggest difference was I hit TWO cars (technically) and was on my own goddamn street.  
> (RIP Flo, 2007 Camry. You were a good car)
> 
> Special thanks, as always, to my beloved Tepperz for all of his help in getting this out on time.

Both of them have their eyes glued to the right side of the car, where part of the car has crumpled.

Tyreen’s frozen. Troy’s still reeling from the impact. The past 30 seconds are rewinding and fast-forwarding itself in his mind's eye.

Troy remembers Tyreen’s “Whaddup brothers and sistas!” opener. He definitely remembers the phone camera being on in his hands, ready to film Tyreen learning how to drive. 

When she turns to the camera to make some off-joke, Troy's eyes move to the window. Tyreen follows his gaze and cuts the wheel too late in a desperate attempt to undo what was about to happen. The impact from an unstoppable force meeting a stagnant object rips the phone out of Troys hands, where it flies out the window and shatters.

“...It was parked." Tyreen says, with a soft shake of her head. “We hit a parked car, Troy,” She shakes her head, staring straight ahead. “A parked car."

Troy feels like he’s sitting on a slant. He grabs for the door with his real hand and stumbles out of the car. “ _ You  _ hit a parked car," he corrects.

Tyreen scoffs, able to do so by virtue of  _ not _ being the one seeing the actual damage.

The tire isn’t just done, it’s shredded and wrapped around what little is left of the actual wheel. The axle is bent and the plastic shell by the tire is concave. The front headlights are  _ shattered _ and their front bumper has come completely off, sitting hideously on the sidewalk next to the other cars dropped-off bumper. Something is leaking.

"You okay?” Troy ducks back into the car to ask her. “Like, you can stand and stuff, right?" Tyreen just laughs under her breath. “Ty, you gotta answer me,” Troy reaches out and grabs her shoulder. He gives her a good shake.

  
“Well- if- don’t  _ do _ that!” Tyreen knocks his hand off and the manic mirth drops. “If I did fuck up my back, you think tha’d help?!”

  
“We're fucked." Troy’s hands rest on the open window. “Dad's gonna take my permit for sure.”

“ Your worried about your  _ permit _ ?” Tyreen gapes at him.

  
“Well, we're obviously gunna need to say _ I _ was the one driving.” Troy says, “Which is, heh -- _ not great, Ty!” _

  
“Okay, okay,” Tyreen’s hands are up, rubbing her temples, “okay loo-loolooloolook, Okay, okay? Okay. Look. Dad said you could drive on your own as long as we stay in town, right? And we’re technically still in town-”

  
“We are not ‘in town’, we’re in the ghetto-”

  
“We’re in town, Firestone is town…" She finishes uncertainly but starts again with more confidence: "Storytime. We just parked here, alright? We parked, we were gunna film here. We weren’t even  _ in _ the car. We’re not at fault, no plate or insurance or info because we weren’t even  _ by _ the car when it was hit. And no one was around that…” She trails off, eyes fixed outside the car. “...Saw it.” Her expression deadens, wide eyed again.

“...What?” Troy asks, following her empty gaze to the second car - where he, too, sees a silhouette rubbing their head. “Aw, shit.”

Tyreen springs out of the car. “Hey,  _ guy!” _ She yells to the figure in the backseat.

“Ty,” Troy murmurs, knocking on the car door. “Play it cool.”

The window rolls down, and two bug-wide eyes stare up at them.

  
“Whatchu want?!”

Tyreen and Troy look at each other. Showtime. 

“Uhhh, hiii,” Tyreen turns back and puts on her  _ starlight face:  _ she tilts her head, puts on a big smile, and tries to soften her eyes. “I am  _ so sorry _ for what just happened, it was really crazy!”

“We just wanted to make sure you were okay,” Troy finishes. He isn’t lying, technically. It doesn’t hurt to see if he’s okay in the head... in more ways than physical.

“O-kay?” An eyebrow shoots upwards, “O-kay?! Do I seem okay to you?”

“...That’s why we’re asking,” Troy smiles as an idea comes to him, “I mean, it’s not like the people who own the car stuck around.”

  
Tyreen looks at Troy. Their eyes meet.

“That was  _ so _ messed up what happened to you? Just now?” Tyreen scoffs, “I mean - we saw the  _ whole thing _ happen, it was dis _ gust _ ing.”

The guy inside the car grumbles, eyes narrowed.

  
“...I mean… I guess they didn’t see you in the backseat of the car, right?” Troy presses. “Cuz you were… sleeping?”

“Or maybe you were just high,” Tyreen adds and Troy wants to smack her. He kind of does, with his elbow. Tyreen winces and adds, “Which is totally okay."

“Wish we could help more but we just-” Troy clicks his tongue, “ _ just _ missed them. Caught the crash and saw ‘em running away.”

Some kind of disapproving noise comes from the guy. “Earl’s gunna need another new disc in his back!"

"Who's Earl?" Tyreen asks.

"Me, slag-licker!" Earl spits. 

"Of course you are," Troy says, looking at Tyreen.

"Earl needs a back brace pronto. You there!" He points at Troy. "Gimmie that tire rim!" Both teenagers look around them before spotting a metal circle on the ground. "Yeah! That thing! Hand it over!"

Troy awkwardly picks up the broken car piece and passes it through the window. He feels the graze of a sharp edge as Earl snatches it. "Heheh. Earl's got some rope with him just in case. Now he just gotta tie it round his waist and he'll be able to feel his bones again! Woo'ey! Better than the scrapyard, Old Earl's good as new!"

"Did you just… tie that around your back?" Troy asked.

"Wow, I hate that," Tyreen adds.

Earl waves a hand. “Gunna need more money for scratch resistance!" Earl murmurs, “Earl's gonna chew through this metal in no time! Bite through the rope like a half-skag, half-coyote man! Ain’t like I got nothin better to chew on in this death-trap!"

"Okay. Sure," Tyreen says, starting to back away. "Good luck with that! Really too bad. Come on, Troy. We have to find a phone to call Dad."

"Coming!" Troy says after tapping the hood of the wreck twice. 

"I think I saw a RakkDonalds a block ago--" Tyreen says.

"Both’a you, hold up!" Earl calls, causing the two to halt and look behind them. "Do y’all need a phone? I got one right here!"

Tyreen mutters, "I'm already so tired of this guy." Louder she says, "No, thanks! We'll figure it out!"

"Wait, wait, Ty," Troy says. "The less we're out here, the better." He walks forward, "Okay, Earl! We'll use your phone, thanks."

“This is on you, I don’t wanna touch anything he’s touched,” Tyreen whispers as Troy reaches out to touch Earl’s phone.

Earl hands over a surprisingly expensive cell phone and says, "Don't young'uns like you usually have them intellectual phones on ya?" 

"Ours broke," Troy said simply, typing in the numbers. "Dad's too cheap to get us seperate ones."

"Sleek red sucker? Got a gun keychain on it?" Earl asks.

Troy says, "Yeah why?" And freezes. He looks to the ground, where their phone had flown out of the window during the crash. He looks to Tyreen, and she looks at him, and he knows she wants to end him.

"It was you suckers! I knew it! Trying to get one over on Earl! He outta call the po-lice!" Earl says, clanging in his seat.

"No, no, no no!" Tyreen says, stepping closer and pushing Troy out of the way "My brother's - color-blind. And.. stupid. So  _ terribly _ stupid, that's someone else's phone, clearly! Right? _ Troy-? _ "

"Nice try, ya harlot!"

Theres an awkward silence. "Okay, how do we get you not to call the police?" Troy asks dryly.

Earl squinted, which would be comical if it weren't terrifying. "Make it worth Earl's while! Then maybe he won't tell on ya for shatterin' Earl's spine!" 

Troy sighs, softly. “Fine. I can give you something," he says.

Tyreen blinks once, eyes going wide when Troy plucks the envelope out of his wallet. “I cashed yesterdays’ EchoTube check,” he says to her.

“Noooo,” she tugs his shirt. “Troy, we were gunna-”

  
“‘We were gunna’ before  _ you _ nailed that car-eating weirdo,” Troy hisses, plucking a few out for themselves.

“We could just kill him,” Tyreen whispers, desperately.

“Ty!”

“He’s  _ weird _ !” She insists, “and  _ old _ and- and no one misses weird old people. Who do drugs.  _ Probably _ .”

"Earl has ears! And Earl does a looot of drugs!" the man confirmed.

  
“It's not much,” Troy mutters, turning back to the window. “But, it should help a little, right?” Quickly, he goes to slip the envelope in the window. “And with a good deed done, we’re just gunna-”

  
The envelope is spit out, as quickly as it went in. It lands in an oil puddle.

  
“...Go.” Troy finishes.

“Paper?! What kind of garbage you take Earl for?!” He says, “Don’t bother 'less you got Eridium!”

Tyreen and Troy meet eyes, again.

“Ah,” Tyreen sucks on her teeth, “ _ no _ . We’re not some skivvy ‘rid-heads, we have respectable careers.”

  
“Oh yeah?" Earl challenges. "An' what those be, huh? Huh?”

  
“We run a… wait,” she pauses, “Like -- what do we do, or -- or like, what’s a respectable career?”

  
“What if,” Troy interjects before Tyreen can screw it up, “you use that money to buy some yourself?”

“Ain’t work that way!” He insists, eyes narrowed. “Earl's got some product cookin’ and he needs to peddle somethin’ in the meantime. Eridium or bust!”

“...Wait,” Tyreen stands in front of Troy. “You won't tell anyone if we go get Eridium for you?"

"Earl agrees with that!"

"Soooo…. we can just… leave?” She looks at Troy with a coy smile, then back to Earl again. “If it’s to get you… drugs.”

“It ain’t drugs yet!” Earl snaps. “Gotta whip eridium into  _ slag _ if you wanna make a buck! I make lots of bucks!”

"Wait, but we're literally giving you--" Troy starts. Tyreen slaps both hands across his mouth.

"Shut up, Troy. Let the nice man let us  _ leave _ ."

"To get Eridium!"

"To get Eridium! Of course," Tyreen agrees, letting Troy go. “Yeah, yeah, right. And then we'll toooootally be back. So you can, you know…. make drugs. And sell them for money. Money that we  _ tried _ to give you and you… threw in a puddle." 

"Ya a got a funny look in your eye!" 

Tyreen purses her lips and turns to walk away. “Okay.” She says. “Come on, Troy. It's the  _ least _ we can do after hitting his car.”

“For what? Hah!” Earl barks, “this ain’t my clunker!”

It’s like the dropping of a bomb, those words. Silent, really. You only know because you were told the bomb was dropped at all.

“....I’m sorry, what?” Tyreen blinks.

  
“You deaf  _ and _ busted? I said it ain’t my car!”

  
“But… you were sleeping in it," Troy stammers.

  
Earl scoffs. “It was outside Earls’s shack, now it’s Earl’s bed!”

There was a long pause of silence.

“Yyyyou…” Tyreen seethes, hands clutched into fists. “You!!”

"Get you some Eridium!" Earl shouted, before slowly rolling up the car window.

“Hey!” Tyreen lunges, banging on the window. "If you think we're still getting you-”

"Calm down, Ty. We weren't really going to give him any in the first place," Troy said, picking up the money from the soggy oil patch. 

"But… But he…! Troy!!" Tyreen said, wiggling angrily.

"I know," Troy said, opening the envelope and taking out a few bills. "But at least he didn't take any of this."

“Well, thank  _ God _ we still have our gross oil money! ...That wasn't sarcastic. I like our money.” Tyreen whines, slogging back to the busted car. “What do we do now?” 

“....” Troy shrugs, “...There’s a RakkDonalds a block away.”

**Author's Note:**

> The car, in case you were wondering, belongs to Marcus.  
> \---  
> I love the Calypsos, so when I saw a prompt to do something with them I JUMPED ON IT, I was so excited to write anything with them!!!


End file.
